I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Randomize
