Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So apparently I’m into choking now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize