She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
