And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
