We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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