the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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