your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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