What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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