i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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