...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
