Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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