Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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