ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It's never too late to be topless.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
