Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
