I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
