I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
