I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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