I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
