I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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