What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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