all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
