Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
