She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
