Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
