i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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