can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
