How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Still dying that you shit outside
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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