i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
