girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i believe in u and ur pee
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
