I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
