You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
