I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
