It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
