do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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