I feel like abortions should bother me more
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
