dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
