Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You made out with two different species that night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize