Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
