i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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