wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
