i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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