Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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