perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
