Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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