Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What a dumb baby whore.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize