Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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