I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
