I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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