STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
