Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize