Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
