i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
