I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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