I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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