have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
