We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
