I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
