I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
