The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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