dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The ass gains better be worth it
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