i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
