i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
