Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
