I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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