maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
