And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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