Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
