So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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