my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
