your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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