At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
