The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize