i always forget guys have bellybuttons
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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