im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
