I'm lost and stupid without you.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
