First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
