dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
