I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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