Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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