they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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