You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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