The maid of honor just puked.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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