Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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