You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
