I smell stomach acid.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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