yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
