So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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