$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, beer. Big fan.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
