they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
